“The horror of that moment,” the King went on, “I shall never, never forget.” “You will though,” the Queen said, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.”

Hours away from leaving and it just feels wrong.

There is really never a good time to take several days out of your life, is there?

My stepchild needs me (aka The Teenager). They are away at school right now and had a fall a few days ago and hit their head and now have follow-up medical appointments to attend that I should be going to with them.

My husband needs me. He is stressed and not feeling well and while he supports the decision for me to go, he seems very cranky about me leaving.

My dog needs me. He is not doing well at the place he usually stays while we are away – he got into a fight with another dog there and now has to be kept in isolation and the caregivers are stressed and I just got off the phone with them and am sitting here crying because he has to continue to stay there as my husband works such long hours that he cannot care for him when I’m not here. There is nothing I can do but leave him there and trust and hope that all will be okay.

My house needs me. Everything is a mess and while I am trying to do what I can before I leave, I feel like I am leaving things a disaster. 

I feel selfish for leaving it all behind and in such a mess. I feel like a failure for not being able to make sure everyone and everything are okay before I go. And for being “broken” and having to go to begin with and put us in more debt to try to fix things.

What is the universe trying to tell me?

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9 thoughts on ““The horror of that moment,” the King went on, “I shall never, never forget.” “You will though,” the Queen said, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.”

  1. My dear…you know, Maddy also needs you. And you being selfish?? when?? you actually should be a bit more selfish, the house, the dog, the husband, the teenager they can all survive and do what they have to do without you. You cannot hold the weight of the World all on your shoulders you know? Go, look after yourself and when you’ll be back, you’ll have twice the amount of energy to do all the things you want. Feel good about taking care of yourself, you are not going for a stroll in the park, you are going for a course of treatment which will improve your health dramatically, there is nothing to feel selfish about. Love, Fran

  2. Just remember how much you went through to get to this point. You’ve been through way more than the difficulties facing you now; you can’t let these (albeit very real) hurtles keep you from doing this. I’m sorry it’s so hard right before you leave but you CAN do this.

    Abiding with you.

  3. I kind of agree with Fran – this is your time and you need it and deserve it! I’m sorry that you’re feeling pulled in different direction. And sorry to hear about your stepson’s accident and your doggie’s fight. Sending lots of healing and calming energy to them both. And lots of luck and support to you! Will be thinking of you…

  4. Thinking of you! It is not easy to leave but you are doing the right thing, and in the end all will be well. Everyone has to sacrifice a little for this to work, even puppy dog. That’s part of being a family.

    Best of luck to you, stay strong – or at least fake it till you make it!

    Jenna

  5. Oh I wish I could be there to hold your hand dear Maddy! Always thinking of others and never yourself and how you need support right now. I hope NYC treats you kindly– it was very good to me. Sending you a big hug.

  6. Wishing good things for you, healing for the Teenager, peace for your doggie and less stress for Mr. Hatter. I agree that sometimes we need to take care of ourselves– now is your time. Sending love and light.

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