“Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Today marks day 3 of 30 on the antibiotics: Rifampin and Azithromycin.

So far they aren’t as bad as I expected. The Rifampin makes me a little woozy the first hour, as I take it on an empty stomach, but then I eat something and take the Azithromycin and I’m generally okay. We’ll see how it goes as time goes on.

I am not taking any probiotics yet. Just fresh cilantro daily to hopefully break down the mercury and any other metals the bacteria might be hiding behind.

I’ve been steering away from dairy as I’m worried it will disagree with me, and I haven’t been drinking at all (the Rifampin says no alcohol, although Dr. WK said one drink a day is fine…).

On the symptom watch, I had some EWCM on Sunday/Monday-ish, which was encouraging. Then I had a little bleeding yesterday, which Dr. WK warned me would happen. It’s just the scab from my D&C falling away. I was so hoping it was my period, but no such luck. And I still have joint pain on and off and those %#&@$# hot flashes are still happening. I loathe them so much. I feel like the wicked witch of the west melting in The Wizard of Oz. They are depressing me to no end. On top of that, I had a falling out with a girlfriend this week, so I have been trying to get past that. Oh, and of course there’s Christmas coming and all…another Christmas with no pregnancy and no baby and a death in the family – ho, ho, ho.

On a positive note, I am continuing to feel better overall – lighter, more energetic feeling. I don’t wake up tired and heavy feeling like I used to.

And more positive stuff: I did find a really reassuring story on the Fertile Heart website (Julia Indichova’s site – she is the author of Inconceivable….she had secondary infertility with an FSH of 42 at age 42). Here is a link to the story about a woman with an FSH of 150 at the age of 34:

http://www.fertileheart.com/getting-pregnant-with-low-amh-success-stories/

I’ve been on this whole natural approach path in the past, but while I could keep up with the diet and supplements for a good 6 months or more, I never really committed to the meditation/spiritual aspect of it. I am going to start easing back into my supplements and slowly start some more mindful eating again – especially foods that will increase my estrogen so I can hopefully keep these hot flashes and pains in my joints under control. And I ordered Julia’s latest book and a set of CDs. Nothing like some online fertility shopping to make you feel like you’re being (re)productive!

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling quite down. It feels like such a long way to go still to get to the point where we can try to conceive again. And we don’t even know if we’ll get there at all. And this girlfriend I had the falling out with…she hasn’t treated me very well over the past little while, so I should be glad that I expressed my hurt feelings and all that, but it’s still hard to think there’s someone out there who doesn’t like me or want to be my friend. (I know I sound like I am twelve years old, but please be patient with me – I am feeling pretty weak…antibiotics take a lot out of a person!)

One final positive thing: I am starting to hear from some women who are coming across my blog and wanting to know who Dr. WK is….which makes me happy, because that is exactly what I was hoping would happen. How I wish I had known that he was the right doctor for me so much earlier in my infertility journey. I can only imagine what my life would look like now if I had done this sooner.

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5 thoughts on ““Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

  1. When I first moved to where I live now, I tried really hard to be friends with another woman who works in another dept, but one with intellectual overlap with what I do. Our research had some common ground. She even lived just a block away, so I figured we were destined to vecome the best of friends. I invited her to coffees, lunch, shared ideas about seminars we coud organize together, had her over for dinner, took her dinner and baby gifts when she had a kid… but what did she do in return? stole my seminar idea and did it without me, never invited me over for dinner or thanked me for the food or baby gifts, or even congratulate me when I had M. She very clearly didn’t want to be MY friend. I am still offended by it. Seriously offended. It sucks, and hurts, no matter what age you are. It isn’t just the antibiotics.

    Good luck with the drugs — such an amazing journey. Know I am thinking of you several tims every day and sending you love.

  2. I’m sorry about your friend that sucks especially at this time of year. Glad you are tolerating the antibiotics I hope they work! Be kind to your body and your self–it takes time for both of you to heal from all you have been through. Wishing you and Mr. H lots of peace and love this holiday season.

  3. So sorry, Maddy, for my lack of comments. I am back now.

    It breaks my heart to hear that there is still a long way ahead of you. I am wishing with all my heart that you get your happy ending. Peace and love. Thinking of you.

  4. Sorry that it’s a low point, the first holiday without your Mom will likely be really hard (at least it was for me). Know that I’m thinking about you and praying/wishing/hoping that the EWCM means the return of your period and at least a try or two at having the baby you so desperately want. Hugs!

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