Hello, I am a Chemistry Experiment.

I feel like a beaker.

Hmm, let’s see what happens if we decrease her thyroid hormone, add testosterone twice daily, a dollop of progesterone at night and then a little melatonin/serotonin action.

Is she a normal freaking woman yet?


And more sigh.

I don’t know what is going on with me. I know it will take time for all of this to be sorted out but can I just whine for 5 holy minutes here?

I still have pain and stiffness in my hands (especially my right) and my feet. I *think* this might be pseudo gout (yes, there is such a thing – I looked it up) from my thyroid disaster. It’s getting marginally better, but it is still bad enough that I find it upsetting.  I am not sure about this 5-HPT stuff, so I’ve hardly taken any. WebMed advises not to take it until further research is done – uh, that’s a little red flag. I am taking one FemMed at night, which contains some 5-HPT. That, and my evening progesterone do seem to be helping me sleep earlier and better. Does anyone out there know anything about any of these supplements? 

I am still taking synthetic hormone, but trust that the new doc will get me on the natural stuff when I see him again in June. I have to go for bloodwork this week, which he says we both know will be “off”. Yeah, just a little.

So I just keep trudging along, hoping at the minimum to feel better, hoping to get my cycle back, and feeling rather ambivalent about having a baby now. Yes, I really said that.

(Those of you who are pregnant or raising young children can stop reading now. Infertiles and parents of older teens/adults can keep going…)

Because you know what?

When babies grow up, they become incredibly grumpy and difficult to live with. They question and argue with everything you say. They think you’re stupid and roll their eyes at everything you do. It may start when they’re twelve or when they’re eighteen, but it happens. And it’s not that they’re bad kids – it’s just the course of nature. And as hard as you try to understand that they can’t be your little baby anymore, it’ll break your heart. In the grand scheme of things, dogs are much better. They stay toddlers for their whole lives. 

Of course, this could just be my screwed up hormones talking. 

Maybe I am the one who is incredibly difficult to live with. Probably.


8 thoughts on “Hello, I am a Chemistry Experiment.

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this Maddy, I hope that this new doctor can help you find balance. I’ve been feeling a little bit like that with regards to children lately. I think it’s the Buserelin talking but I hear my friends talk about their kids and all of the domestic crap that they have to do and all of a sudden my weekends spent curled up with a good book sound very appealing in comparison! X

  2. Oh Maddy, I’m sorry you are still suffering from pains in your hands and feet…I am wondering if it could be autoimmune but then I think you explored this already. I have no wise word on supplements etc, I’m afraid, but what I would say is to follow your guts, if you are not comfortable taking 5-HPT, don’t.
    Still loving reading your posts Maddy (all of them) so update here often or I’ll worry!
    Love, Fran

  3. 🙂 You are right and made me smile too with the arguing thing. While little babies have a small vocabulary, mainly wah and weh, mine still argues about bed time, complained about being hungry ten times today and demands entertainment to boot.
    Hope this thyroid will get sorted out gently, it is no fun being so tired, or getting a racing heart when your levels are off.
    Much love

  4. So sorry that you’re in a bit of a ‘slump’ (per Dr. Suess). I hope that that the ug of it all goes away soon and that you start to feel better. Glad that you are at home with where you are relative to the idea of kids– all answers that are the right ones for you and Mr. H are the right ones IMHO. Hugs.

  5. Ugh! Sorry you are feeling like an experiment and hope this new doc figures things out fast. Teenagers are tough no doubt about that I’m not looking forward to that.

  6. Good to see a post from you – I was wondering how things were going. I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. Still holding out lots of hope for you – hang in there.

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