“She who saves a single soul, saves the universe.”

Here I am.

How long has it been?

Too long in some ways, but not long enough in others.

I have had some bumpy road lately, but I am still here. 

I am finally feeling physically better.

I attribute this to the bioidenticals I’ve been taking as well as the magical Yu Ming, who helped alleviate the pain in my right arm with one fantastic needle in my shoulder. My feet are still a little stiff when I wake up, but I am much much better and I am sure it will only improve with a little more time and a few more acupuncture treatments.

Still no period, but Yu MIng and Dr.March both seem to think it will just take time for my body to catch on. 

I was supposed to go for an ultrasound and more bloodwork a couple of weeks ago, but I’ve been away. And I want to delay it as long as I can in the hopes that the better I am feeling, the more likely antral follicles will appear and my hormone panels will look good.

Mr. H and I have been on some trips, which has been fun, and a great way to forget the emotional pain of it all.

I’ve been getting some work done on the kitchen, and am enjoying the designing part – choosing new colours and pieces. I’ve always liked nesting.

Today was a good day. I took the dog to the beach for a swim. I had delicious coffee. I ate wild blueberries. I worked out at the gym. I talked to my dearest friend on the phone. I made fresh, local trout for dinner. It’s the little joys that are keeping me going. And I confess always carry that tiny hope for a miracle baby.

I’ve helped to start a High FSH Moving On forum…it’s slow-going right now, but it’s nice to connect with other women who are in the same boat on Lake Limbo. I feel like so many of the IF blogs I have followed have become Mommy blogs and anyone who hasn’t gotten pregnant just faded away into the ether…it’s very lonely being left behind. And it’s good to support each other. (Please come join us, if you’re reading this and you are in that place, too.)

And then there’s the rest of you…my lovely blog sisters who haven’t given up on me…those of you who keep checking on me and asking how I am. That’s so very sweet of you and it means so much to know that you care and haven’t forgotten about me. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙂


13 thoughts on ““She who saves a single soul, saves the universe.”

  1. Dear Maddy,
    I love an update from you. I am glad you are feeling better, and I truly hope that it continues. I have every finger and toe crossed for you and a miracle. (Oh please please!)
    Will you post some pics of your kitchen for us? We just bought a house, and I love it but the kitchen is ugly! Need inspiration…….

  2. It is nice to hear you are feeling better. Somehow though, I do not feel this is the end of this long and tortuous journey for you. Not in the sense of more trouble coming your way, but in the sense of more developments that deserve updating and sharing. I have absolutely no logical reason for saying this. It is just a gut feeling, if you will. Stay strong, Maddy.

  3. “I feel like so many of the IF blogs I have followed have become Mommy blogs and anyone who hasn’t gotten pregnant just faded away into the ether…it’s very lonely being left behind. ”

    I am so sorry that you are feeling left behind. I am one of those bloggers you are speaking of.

    Hoping your body catches up…

  4. So glad to see that you’re alive and well and doing things that make you happy. I am also glad that you’re feeling better and will continue to hold good thoughts for your continued improvement. Glad to ‘see’ you; I hope that it won’t be quite so long between updates, but am very happy to see an update, regardless of how long it might take. Sending hugs.

  5. I am sorry things aren’t working out for you. I still have some hope for you! Glad things are looking up lately. 🙂

  6. I am glad you feel a bit better and good for you in starting a forum, you will see, it will grow and it will feel fantastic to help eachothers. Sending you love and waiting for you to come visit, Fran

  7. wild blueberries!!!!
    Lovely, and so lovely to hear from you. Glad the trips did you good.
    It feels unfair that people who were blogging long before me are still waiting for their miracle, while mine happened already, I wish I could somehow share or multiply my good fortune.
    Wishing you many good days at the beach, and joy great and small.

  8. Nice to hear from you! You sound good, really good. I love that you appreciate the simple joys and hope the rest will follow.

    Continue to take good care!

  9. I recall the title of your post from that movie – Schindler’s List. In that however, the pronoun used was ‘he’.

  10. Thanks for the update and I couldn’t agree more with your quote. I think the new forum will fulfill a real void out there in the IF world.

  11. I haven’t been reading regularly but do drop by on occasion. And think of you often. Little things are good. I hope they get bigger, in all sorts of wonderful ways.

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