Mission Follicles: Day 2

I had a late night working last night and a super busy day with work appointments (one that ended up lasting almost 4 hours!). So this interfered with my mission today…I find taking most of the supplements tough because I have to take them so long (at least 3 hours) after I take my Synthroid in the morning. I missed my window today.

SUPPLEMENTS: 5 shots wheatgrass

(Thanks, Mina, for your comment re: folic acid – that’s how much my prenatal contains. The last RE I quit – Dr. Beehive – mentioned something about needing to increase it…she cited some study. I was so offended by my appointment with her, I didn’t pay much attention to what she said about folic acid)

GOOD FOOD: blueberries, a little cereal (my breakfast was interrupted), 2 hardboiled eggs, red grapes, half an apple, 1 avocado, a raw garlic clove, juice of 1/3 lemon, a carrot, quinoa cooked in beef broth, roast chicken, microgreens salad (pea shoots, daikon radish, red choi, buckwheat and shungiku)

WATER INTAKE: Approx. 30 oz + counting

EXERCISE: 30 minutes dog walking (we missed out on our afternoon walk due to the 4-hour appointment!)

SELF-CARE: Morning coffee, evening tea and cookies, made acupuncture appointment with Yu MIng for Friday

OBSERVATIONS: Energy continues to be good. CM has almost totally dried up, though, it seems…the little I do see is still clear so that is promising – if it starts to look yellow, I think that might mean the infection has resurged….I’m VERY nervous about this. What if I can’t kick this thing? I’m really scared of the possibility that Mr. H and I won’t be able to get rid of it and that there won’t be anything more we can do…trying not to let it keep me up at night. I have noticed abdominal cramping and lower back cramping this evening…I had lower back pain last week, too, prior to my “no follicle ultrasound”…I’ve seen some women reporting a no follicle u/s online and the doctor has told them that they must have just ovulated and that’s why none were visible. But in the past I think there have been other follicles visible even after one egg has been released. I have found some hopeful stories on the high FSH boards of women who had no follicles one month and then more follicles returned later…I am thinking that in a few weeks I will go see Dr. Click Clack and request a swab and ultrasound and *maybe* a blood test, just to see what is going on.

From time to time on my old blog, I used to mention seeing my future baby girl’s name in various places…in the past week, I have seen it 3 times (the name of an apartment building, the name of a company, and the name of a car…two of these were this afternoon). When I see it, I get a funny feeling I can’t describe. Like I am receiving a message. I know it’s strange, but it just doesn’t feel like simply a coincidence that has no meaning.

Thank you all for hanging around with me here in limbo. 🙂


Mission Follicles: Day 1

It’s going to take me a little while to get to full throttle with this program, especially as this week is SO busy for me, but as promised, here are the *good* things I have done so far today for my health:

SUPPLEMENTS: 5 shots wheatgrass, 1 prenatal, 400 mg CoQ10, 400 mg Ubiquinol, 150 mg R-Lipoic Acid, 1000 IU Vitamin D, 200 mcg Selenium, 240 mg Vitex, 500 mg fish oil, 1 tbsp of royal jelly in raw honey (forgot to take probiotic!)

(By the way, what is the latest on how much folic acid we should be getting? Anyone know? I’ve heard conflicting reports lately…)

GOOD FOOD: fresh blueberries, green fruit + veggie smoothie, 1 cup vegetable broth, sauerkraut, quinoa cooked in beef broth, 1 baked yam, 1 apple, 2 clementines, walnuts, apricot peach juice, 1 carrot

WATER INTAKE: 12 oz + counting

EXERCISE: 90 minutes dogwalking

It’s a start, anyway.

I’m also going to include a “self-care” category…to include any treats or nice things I do for myself:

SELF-CARE: Morning coffee, eyebrow wax, bought cinnamon-orange bath salts

OBSERVATIONS: Energy continues to be good, the past few days have brought slight pink spotting…maybe hormonal changes? Hot flashes seem to be less frequent, but still a handful a day (usually in the evening). Didn’t sleep so well last night – the past few nights my dreams have been plagued by people stealing from Mr. H and me (a bottle of fine wine – weird…symbolic?) and had an intruder dream last night – haven’t had one of those for a while. He chased me out of our house. Doesn’t take a psychology degree to figure me out, huh?

Thanks for the love. Sending it back to all of you. ❤


“And ever, as the story drained The wells of fancy dry, And faintly strove that weary one To put the subject by, “The rest next time–” “It is next time!” The Happy voice cry. Thus grew the tale of Wonderland”

I have to write this post because sometimes it is the only way I can centre myself and organize my thoughts when I am reeling from bad news.

Some of you have been with me for three and a half years, through my blogspot blog which was public and then private. And some of you may be reading this post as a complete stranger to me…I want to keep posting here because I want to share this part of my journey with other women who may be given similar cards to deal with. If you have high FSH or have been told you have Premature Ovarian Failure, I strongly recommend you arrange a phone consult with Dr. WK to see if your condition might be the result of a bacterial infection (not all are, but mine is/was and I can’t tell you how much I wish I had gone this route sooner, for it really might be too late for me now). 

Mr. H is finishing up his IV antibiotic therapy, and bravely endured his injections. I have had 5 more uterine washes at Dr. WK’s suggestion…By the way, Dr. WK and I saw immediate improvement – my vagina was dry and fragile at the beginning of the week with only a little yellow cervical mucous and towards the end I was producing beautiful, clear mucous, just like before. Also, again I noticed my tongue became smooth and healed – no more patch at the back (anyone out there who follows traditional Chinese medicine will understand this).

Dr. WK did do a swab to see if the bacteria had a resurgence (we think it did) and told me that I am likely resistant to the oral antibiotics, so he does not plan to give me any more at this time. We are hoping that the extra washes have now done the trick and eradicated all the bacteria. Mr. H still has his 30-day course of oral antibiotics to take….He should be done by the end of March.

But the bad news is this:

Before my last wash, Dr. WK did an ultrasound and there were no follicles. That’s right. Zero. While I have enough of a lining and my ovaries (one in particular) are large enough (but not large) to indicate there is some estrogen production, there are no follicles at all. This means that, while Dr. WK was successful in his treatment – my ovaries and hormone production are improved and I continue to feel better overall – we were too late. The chances of there being any eggs left are very very slim. He was sad for me, and very kind about it, and I was, well, devastated.

It’s pretty hard to cry with a catheter in your cervix and your feet in stirrups, but I managed to.

And then, Mr. H and I went to a diner for breakfast and stared at all the strollers and toddlers going by out the window, and I blubbered some more.

If only I had done this sooner….if only I had not done so many IUIs (which push the bacteria further up one’s cervix)…if only I hadn’t done 5 stim cycles in an attempt to do IVF (the drugs make it worse)….if only, if only, if only…..but alas, all I have is what I have now.


Where does this leave me?

Here’s the half-full part:

Dinah, Dr. WK’s patient who lives locally, also had zero follicles and Dr. WK told her he thought there was no chance she would conceive, either. But 4 months later she did, and she now has a lovely little girl to show for it.

It takes a little digging, but I managed to google and find other tales of no follicles and later follicles appeared again and conception took place and babies were born…more proof that it is not completely impossible.

This is my ground zero. No follicles. No periods. Nothing. (Except horrible hot flashes.)

I have to play the cards I’ve got.

So this is what I’m going to do:

Now that my thyroid should be sorting itself out, and now that I have gotten Mr. H taken care of, I can focus on taking care of myself. I am going to go back to taking my supplements religiously (wheatgrass, CoQ10, prenatal, Ubiquinol, fish oil, selenium, R-Lipoic Acid, probiotics and Vitex). I’m going to see Yu Ming for acupuncture regularly, and when she feels my system has calmed down, take Chinese herbs she prescribes. I am going to eat a nutrient-rich, mostly organic diet, making sure I’m getting lots of bone and vegetable broths, spinach, and fresh juices. I am not going to cut out any “bad” foods because I realize that makes me feel punished and stressed – I will just increase the super foods to nourish every cell in my body. I will exercise much more – cardio, yoga, weights – to increase my bloodflow and release of toxins. I’m also going to meditate – I will start out a few minutes a day and try to increase from there.

This is the new plan. I am going to fill the well again and see what happens.

And if I am lucky enough to get my period, I will get my CD3 bloodwork and return to Dr. Click Clack to request cycle monitoring to see what’s going on.

As usual, I have very little discipline without a daily record, so I am going to go back to my reports of what I’m eating, taking and doing for my health each day…and at the end of it all, if I’m not pregnant, at least I will be strong and in shape physically, mentally and spiritually.

Here we go again.

“Yes, that’s it! Said the Hatter with a sigh, it’s always tea time.”

Well, we made it. 🙂

I think my dream of a big tea party with many of you at once is not going to happen. Everyone has such different, busy schedules.

But if anyone wants to meet up with me for a tea or coffee or lunch sometime in Manhattan in the next week, please e-mail me….verymadhatter@live.com….I have a lot of free time to myself this week and would love to meet some of you!

(I was thinking this place would be especially fun: http://alicesteacup.com/)

`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,’ Alice went on as soon as they were comfortably settled again, `when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow!”

Blizzard 1

Maddy 0


Flight cancelled. We’ll try again.

On a POSITIVE note, on Wednesday evening Dr. WK e-mailed me. He proposes that while Mr. H is getting his treatment at the clinic every other day, he will give me uterine washes. “I hope to get your ovaries moving,” is what he said. I and my stubborn ovaries agreed and thanked him. Sweet, right? (if we can ever get there…)

And my appointment with Yu MIng went very well. She was very impressed with all of my research and the discovery of the bacteria. She agreed that it can really cause fertility issues, and seemed very supportive of my choice to get treatment. 

I think it’s been about 2 years since I’ve seen her – maybe more. She said the pulses in my right wrist are much stronger, and my energy overall seems so much better – she said I look younger and I seem much more grounded than before. However, my liver and kidney pulses indicate that my immune system is under a lot of strain. The needles hurt a lot, especially on the meridian leading to my ovaries. I feel like it was the right decision to start seeing her again.

And finally, the lump in my breast is not raising any red flags with the doctor. But I’m still going to get a mammogram, just in case.

Hope you are all keeping safe and warm if you’re in the path of the storm.

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice. “You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Quick updates because I had a hell of a day today and I have a hell of a day tomorrow…

Your lovely comments helped me more than you’ll ever know. ❤

Okay, so here’s the latest:

  1. I only used a little Canesten cream a couple of times a day over 2 days because other than the itch there were no other yeast symptoms so I wasn’t convinced it was yeast and didn’t want to cause more harm than good…I took my probiotics and ate tons of garlic and some yogurt and sauerkraut and miraculously, it got better. Praise the vagina gods (but not too much, because still no period…or baby, for that matter.)
  2. I have an acupuncture appointment with Yu Ming tomorrow morning – I am so glad. I hope she can help with the hot flashes and the pain in my foot. 
  3. I also have an appointment to see a student doctor of Dr. Cheshire’s tomorrow afternoon to get the lump in my breast looked at. (Ladies, if you EVER need to see a doctor right away, pretend to think you have a lump in your breast – they will get you right in!)
  4. I am feeling extremely stressed about our pending trip. I am nervous about how it is going to go for Mr. H…and it looks like a snowstorm is going to hit the day we are supposed to fly out, so we will either have a horrible, turbulent flight or be delayed/cancelled, which will mess everything up!
  5. Despite all the anxiety over all of the above, I am plodding on….doing laundry and packing and finishing up a work project and making arrangements for the pets and making hair and waxing appointments and picking up dry-cleaning and so on…what else can I do, but just keep going and pray that a piano doesn’t land on my head? 

Sending love to those of you out there going through your own days from hell and trying times and even some bright times…Valery and Fran and CM are nearing the end of pregnancies they thought might never happen….Lala is in the middle of an IVF cycle…Immotile Turtle is making some decisions about next steps…Gwinne’s Tiny Boy is still settling into a sleep schedule…I know there are others, but I have to get to bed…please know that I am thinking of you all and sending you light and love. XOXO

“And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember ever having seen such a thing.”

I am at the end of my rope.

I just spent the last week extremely sick with one of the many viruses that has been going around.

And in the past few days, just as I started to recover, my vagina became itchy mcitchiness. And I’ve been eating sauerkraut (I just polished off my second jar in as many weeks!) and taking probiotics. I don’t even *know* if it’s a yeast infection. It’s just crazy itchy. Today I broke down and bought a Canesten kit at the drugstore and applied the cream, which helped. 

I’ve also been nauseous over the past 36 hours – hormonal changes??

And, while a little better, my foot STILL hurts!

Plus, last night, after spending the evening with a friend who discovered a malignant lump in her breast a year ago and ended up having a mastectomy, I think I found a lump in my breast. It might just be hypochondria. I can’t be sure.

And the hot flashes continue.

So, basically, my body is falling apart.

That’s how it feels.

Really reaching here to give you any positives….um….

(1) Yes, Dr. WK confirmed that it is possible that the antibiotics did interfere with my thyroid meds (I wish SOMEONE – he or the pharmacist – had told me how to take them together)….he said it should correct itself, but in the meantime to take the higher dose, which I’ve been doing and it seems to have helped the hot flashes a little. 

(2) I did catch Dr. WK on the phone a couple of days ago and he asked me if I had had a pelvic ultrasound or blood test, and I told him “no” (I know – I am totally in denial here, but I just can’t face it right now). He asked if I felt better after the treatment, and I said, “yes” – this is true….I do feel much better, but, as I explained to him, over the past few weeks my cervical mucous is no longer as good as it was when I was on the antibiotics…I am not sure if that is because of my thyroid imbalance or because of the possible yeast infection (if that’s what it is) or what. He said that when I return with my husband he would like to take a peek at my ovaries (insert nervous scream here) and maybe do a culture…he says he has not excluded the possibility of prescribing more antibiotics for me. so this is good. Follow-up is good. And scary.

(3) Yes, we are leaving soon for the next chapter – the flights are booked, the hotel is booked, the husband is looking at me warily like the dog before I take him to the vet…And at the same time I also think he is hopeful that this might lead to a baby….at the very least I hope he feels better afterwards, too, and I hope my body somehow gets itself in order.

(4) I have been trying to get myself into a good place, but it’s not really happening. Deep down, I still feel certain a baby is possible, so that is not the problem. What is the problem is this whole infertility subculture. Not the community – I love you guys – but the marketplace that goes after our pocketbooks. I used to think the whole traditional Chinese medicine/holistic/natural approach was somehow superior to the IVF clinics, but lately I’ve just been feeling disenchanted with that, too. If I read one more book that says, “I had a client named Barren Brenda and she was 43 years old and had tried *everything* to get pregnant. She’d had surgery and inseminations and IVFs and then she came to me and we talked about her broken past and she learned to meditate with my CD and she had a profound dream and ate organic food and did yoga and learned how to breathe properly. She just sent me a picture of her beautiful son who was born two days after her 45th birthday.”….because I’m really fricking tired of being GOOD. Of eating organic and giving up wheat and dairy and alcohol and coffee and taking herbs and supplements and reducing my stress and writing down my dreams and doing yoga and feeling guilty when I don’t do that stuff….I am really fed up with it all. I’ve done all that. And it didn’t work. It didn’t cure me. Months and months of it and yes, sure, I felt better in some ways, but in other ways I felt punished by the deprivation. That said, I know I have a hormonal imbalance and while I cannot return to Baby Lady (the second acupuncturist I saw – aka the food nazi), I have left a voicemail for Yu Ming – she was the first acupuncturist I saw who did not do the brewed herbs – she did the pill form of the herbs. And she included talking as part of her sessions (but not lecturing about food) and I think I need that, too. I am going to try to see her this week if I can. Maybe she can help with my foot, and my hormones and my lack of period.

So that’s where I’m at. Not very pleasant, really. But I try to remind myself to be patient. Dinah, Dr WK’s other patient, took 4 months after treatment to have a much lower FSH and conceive. It may take a while, or I may need more antibiotics to kick this infection, before my body is in balance. It’s still in a wobbly place, and so am I.


“Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; “either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!”

Thank you for the comments and concern.

Things have been, well…difficult.

The hot flashes continue, and this upsets me greatly. So much so, that I tried to search for other causes (deep down I just do not believe that they are the result of early menopause – that’s just what my gut says). I discovered a lot of talk online about thyroid and synthetic thyroid and hot flashes…so I started to self-diagnose with hyperthyroidism…after all, I’ve been taking synthetic thyroid for hypothyroidism for 10 years now…Dr. WK said my under active thyroid is the result of the infection. Now that the infection is apparently gone, it would make sense that my thyroid might improve functioning, thereby reducing the need for medication. I even e-mailed him to ask him if my thyroid could improve function post-treatment. He said ‘yes’ and told me I should get my levels checked. I felt pretty excited about this. After all, aside from the hot flashes, I have been experiencing a lot of other hyper symptoms: frequent urination, frequent bowel movements, increased thirst, feeling hot, restlessness, sleeplessness, nightmares, even heart palpitations. For those of you who know Chinese medicine, I’ve been feeling like I have too much Yang. Another symptom of hyper, according to the book I have, is scanty periods…if what I had a month ago was a period, it was definitely scanty!

Fortunately, Dr. Cheshire did do a blood test on my TSH and T4 when I went to see her. The nurse called with my results on Friday. I was totally prepared to have my Synthroid dosage reduced. But I got the opposite news – it is to be increased! My TSH is high! 6.02! And my T4 is in what is considered to be the normal range – 13.5. I am to start taking the new dosage and go back in 6-8 weeks for a retest. I am so confused by this, and I am trying to figure out what my next step should be. I’ve been searching online for info, and the only helpful piece of info I learned is that if you are tested early in the morning, your FSH is 26% higher than in the afternoon…I hadn’t had breakfast when my blood was taken and it was late morning because Dr. Cheshire had been running late and I had to wait to get seen in the lab…could that make much difference? Does anyone out there know anything about thyroid? Any suggestions? I’ve e-mailed Dr. WK to see if he has any suggestions for me, but haven’t heard back.

So I am feeling disheartened by this, along with the fact that I haven’t gotten my period (still holding out hope for it, though – feeling crampy and extremely emotional and irritable and it’s a month since I started spotting last month). I’m also getting funny discharge/cervical mucous…it’s yellowish, which makes me wonder if the infection is back.

I don’t know. I have been taking supplements again, including wheat grass again. (I will list what I am taking in another post, in case anyone is interested). I am eating sauerkraut daily for its probiotics. I am reading Julia Indichova’s book, The Fertile Female. I am getting back on track with diet, but still not where I need it to be as far as optimal nutrition and hormone-balancing foods…working on it. I would exercise more than just walking the dog, but my stupid foot is still hurting.

But frankly, I’m just so tired. This thyroid thing is sending me over the edge…I just don’t trust a single blood test, and I’m wary of changing my dosage again (in the past year, I have gone from 0.1 mg to 0.125 to 0.112, and now I’m being bounced back to 0.125. On June 29 my TSH was 0.86…now it’s 6.02….wtf?

I just need something to go right. I *need* to get my period. And to have a low FSH number on CD3. I really need a glimmer of hope.


Amidst all of this mystery about my body and the horrible hot flashes, I am painfully aware that time is marching on…I look longingly at my friends who have 2-3 children now and are leading full-fledged family lifestyles. And when I was in my thirties I thought I could catch up…but now….I just don’t know – a lot would have to happen in the next two years. And then there’s career, too…I  haven’t had the career I dreamed for myself, either. Instead of having a great career, and instead of getting pregnant and having a big family, I’ve had kind of half of each….I’ve raised a stepchild half of the time and had half of a career in the arts. Not really successful at either. And now my life is half over, if I’m lucky.

I’m pretty depressed…maybe I do have an under active thyroid. Or I’m just a long-time sufferer of infertility.

I’ll leave you with one piece of good news: we have booked Mr. H’s treatment for February. Another hurdle to jump, but all going well he should be finishing up his 30-day stint of oral antibiotics by the end of March. Maybe we’ll actually get to start trying to have a baby in April….if all the ducks finally get in their damn places in a row.


I found this article about the interaction of antibiotics (specifically Cipro) with synthetic thyroid:
And I found this link which says, “Rifampin (RIFADIN) is a potent enzyme inducer, and is known to have produced hypothyroidism in a patient on levothyroxine therapy.” and also mentions Cipro as a drug that interacts with levothyroxine, resulting in reduced absorption.
I’ve sent these to Dr. WK (we all know how much doctors LOVE it when we google stuff and self-diagnose) to see what he says…I will probably call a pharmacist or two tomorrow to get their input….my guess is that the combination of Cipro via IV plus 30 days of powerful oral Rifampin might have impaired my absorption of my Synthroid…the question is, what to do now?

“Well, now that we have seen each other,” said the unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you.”

It’s REALLY hard to keep believing right now.


I have no choice but to just grit my teeth and keep going.

Today was the last day of 30 days of oral antibiotics. Finally done.

I continue to have hot flashes, and I am *hopeful* that once the antibiotics leave my system they will also disappear.

In the meantime, I noticed some interesting-looking cervical mucous yesterday and started to wonder….maybe Dr. WK and I have it turned around and maybe that spotting I had a couple of weeks ago was actually a light period and now my body is trying to ovulate? Magical thinking, perhaps, but why not?

I had an appointment with my family doctor today regarding my foot. So yesterday I e-mailed Dr. WK to see if I should request some tests…he wants me to check my FSH, LH, Estradiol, and Progesterone, and get a pelvic ultrasound and told me “I hope you get some good news.”


Since I hadn’t been to my doctor since September of 2011, I had a LOT to fill her in on. The ureaplasma that Dr. Click Clack (napro doctor) found but could not eradicate, the change in my thyroid medication dosage, the death in my family, the MIA periods, and then the controversial out-of-country medical treatment. I printed off a magazine article on Dr. WK to give to her because I felt I needed some support for my decision.

I like my family doctor. This is only the second time I have met her, but she is very sweet and listens well and doesn’t rush me. Today, as I blabbered on about the past 16 months of my life, she just sat there, grinning and listening…I had no idea what she was thinking. I couldn’t help but be reminded of Cheshire Cat….so I hereby christen her Dr. Cheshire. She seemed to take it all in stride, and said that I seemed more “settled” than I was the last time we discussed fertility, perhaps because I now feel I “have done everything (I) can”.

Mmmm…I don’t think I’m at a place of closure yet….but I agree that because I feel a greater sense of wellbeing overall, if I come to the end of the road, I will be stronger and able to cope with it better. It’s hard to cope with a tough card in your hand when you feel like crap all the time.

I chickened out of requesting a pelvic ultrasound. Not ready to see how my follicles are doing.

And I asked for a Day 3 requisition for my bloodwork. Again, not ready to see how my hormones are doing yet. PLUS I don’t even know what we are looking for when it comes to my FSH if it is mid-cycle…what would be good news? I want my period, and then I will go get checked on CD3.

She did check my thyroid today.

And…my foot pain is, yes, due to high heels. It apparently takes 6 weeks for the inflammation to go down, but ice packs and Advil for 5-10 days should help. If they don’t, I can get a steroid injection.

My final news is that we are looking at some dates in February for Mr. H’s treatment. When I know for sure, I will try to meet some of you who expressed interest for tea. It will be easier for me this time as I will not be getting treatment or a D&C or anything like that.

So I don’t know what is going on…I’m feeling a lot of free-floating anxiety about my body…I really hope that it’s just taking its sweet time to recalibrate and for my immune system to calm down. And, since Mr. H won’t be finished his month of oral antibiotics until close to the end of March, there isn’t THAT much of a rush at this point.

I keep forgetting to mention this, but those of you who have gone the Chinese medicine route, or who remember me going that route will appreciate this….TWO big changes I have noticed since the treatment: (1) my lower abdomen used to always be cold (aka “cold uterus”), but it is now consistently warm! and (2) my “map tongue”, which usually had a patch at the back, indicating weakness in the reproductive system, is now much improved and that patch in the back of my tongue is often healed now. Weird, right?

Now that I am finished my antibiotics, I am going to get on that probiotic train…sauerkraut, right, CS?…and get going on supplements again. It’s like I am on the last leg of a very long marathon…it’s almost time to start sprinting and use every ounce of faith and energy I have left to push myself to get to that finish line, with or without a baby.

`No, I give it up,’ Alice replied: `what’s the answer?’

3 more days of antibiotics left.

18 days since Dr. WK said he hoped I would get AF in 14 days.

Slowly going crazy, oscillating between these thoughts:

It’s over. No more eggs. We were too late. I’m done and I have to accept it.

But Energy Man said my ovaries felt like those of a woman before she gets pregnant. Surely he knows the difference between menopausal ovaries and pre-pregnant ovaries?

Was that a hot flash? Or is it just hot in here? No, definitely a hot flash. That’s not good.

And yet….Dinah said she didn’t get AF at all, and a few months after treatment she STILL managed to get pregnant.

Hmmm….cramps, sensitive to cold and to pain, extra tired and, as Mr. H will attest, quite ornery this weekend.

And even if I get my period, it doesn’t mean my eggs are viable, but it’s better than not getting my period.


And, on a different note, but something else that’s making me crazy…I have had sharp pain when I walk on the ball and toes of my left foot for the past 3 weeks straight. I think maybe it’s from one evening of wearing uncomfortable high heels….cannot seem to shake it. Has this happened to any of you? If so, what did you do to get rid of it? (I rest as much as I can, and I’ve been wearing flat shoes, but I have to walk the dog every day, so I can’t completely rest it….)